8:31 a.m. - 12 January, 2007
It's a love thang....
Have been meaning to get on here for ages but it's all too damn difficult - just when I think we've got the makings of a routine the boy has an erratic day and it all goes out of the window. The times that Zach's going down veer from 8.30/9 (when he then wakes for a feed at 1 am - not good, particuarly as we then don't go to bed til 11.30) to 10.30/11 )when he wakes for a feed at 4am - yay, much more manageable!!!).
Zach is 10 weeks today - hurrah for my boy but it means that he's growing up soooo damn fast already. It's been a really up and down time for us all these last few weeks, learning how to operate as a family of four has been a very steep learning curve. Trying to give enough attention to Nicole while trying to enjoy the little fella. I think we did rather badly on the Nicole front initially and it all got v. fraught and stressed - we probably did everything that we weren't supposed to do. Stupidly I didn't really read up how to prepare your first child for the arrival of your second, although I had a general idea of what you were supposed to do, which in hindsight isn't really good enough. Nic's calmed down somewhat now thank goodness and I'm hopefully picking up more on what Zach's trying to 'say' when he cries so life just feels a bit easier. Also sleep-wise I'm trying to avoid making what I feel are the same mistakes we did with Nicole from the beginning ie not rocking him to sleep but putting him down to sleep when I think he's tired. I would love at least one child who settles themselves to sleep. Despite some quite appalling behaviour, Nic's never taken out any frustration she might feel at the arrival of the boy wonder on Zach himself - she reserves the screaming and crying for us. With Zach, she's totally scrummy and it makes me so incredibly proud that these two wonderful children are mine, all mine (and Tim's and my parents, and Nick's and Nainy's etc etc)...
It's been a real blessing that mum and dad have been able to take Nicole a couple of times a week as not only has it allowed me to bond that bit more with my boy and spend some time with him but it's also given me some 'me' time when he's asleep. It's v. sad but the computer feels like a lifeline to me and is my window the world outside this house and my babies which I really crave. My world feels incredibly limited and I remember feeling like that when I first had Nicole but I felt it far more keenly then than I have this time. Am a bit nervy as my mum is supposed to be having a knee operation on Tuesday so they obviously won't be able to take Nic for those 2 days a week and I wonder how I'll cope with 5 days a week of just me and the kiddies. It feels a bit churlish to say that seeing as there are plenty of women for whom that is their life!!!
Right - back to the kids! I remember before having Nic wondering how I could ever love another human being as deeply and as fiercly as I love her but I've discovered that you have more than enough room in your heart for your next child, with the added bonus that, as a result of having one already and having an idea of what to expect, I'm enjoying Zach being a baby so much more than Nicole. Also, I know how quickly this stage passes so am trying to make the most of Zach being a baby, appreciating every last bit of it, particularly with the possibility that he may be my last baby. It's funny but I constantly find myself comparing my two babies at each stage of Zach's development and thinking - did Nicole do this at the same age??? Zach's changing so quickly - he's gone from a newborn to a little boy with v. particular features and traits, the best of which is that he's a totally smiley little chappy - he's been smiling since about 5-6 weeks and I don't think Nic smiled that quickly. He's got the biggest, beaming, gurney little smile - it's a wonder to behold and I can't get enough of it....
He's also started gurgling, cooing and squealing and it's so wonderful to watch him lying
back and kicking out at the world, flapping his hands around, taking everything in and smiling and almost giggling to himself. My mum and dad reckon it's a sign that he'll be quick to talk (oh my, the thought of two kiddies constantly asking 'Why??'!!!!)..... I love the way his eyes lock on to yours and then they follow you around wherever you go in a way that you just know he recognises you. He did a beautiful thing once - I was just holding him on my lap and he deliberately looked up at me and gave me a gorgeous smile. He definitely recognises Nicole and rewards her with great beautiful beaming smiles. It's funny how he can just be soooo transfixed by a light that he'll stare at it for anything up to 10 minutes!!! He's also v. similar to Nicole in that he doesn't much like being put on his tummy but I try to do so for a little while in the day and already he's got such fantastic head control, as demoed here....
At one of the numerous scans we had before Zach was born I thought I detected a little snub nose and I thought how lucky my boy would be if he even looked a fraction like his older sister so it's funny that I'm noticing more and more how similar Nic and Zach are looking - not just the nose but the expressions that they have and their gestures. It's also noticeable when you go back to Nic's photos at the same age as Zach and it's like seeing a little feminine version of Zachy, although his eyes aren't quite as deep a brown as hers are. I absolutely revel in my gorgeous babies...
My mum and dad have been very careful in lavishing attention on Nicole when Zach's around but even they've managed to get some cuddles in...
I just love how besotted and proud my dad looks in that first picutre.
Nicole's speech is as phenomenal as ever - we have conversations together all day particularly, as you might have noticed earlier on, as a result of her constantly asking why anything happens. It's wonderful that she's so inquisitive but it can also be incredily wearing, especially when you've talked her through the logic and the whys and wherefores of a particular event but she still asks why.... This is an example of a conversation we had recently - there are ads being run at the moment by a couple of charities to sponsor children and the ad features African kids with now shoes on. She asked why they weren't wearing shoes and I said they didn't have any money to buy shoes so she said that she'd take the pound that she found in the special New Years day cake we Greeks bake and buy them some shoes. That also demonstrates what a generous little soul she is - if she's eating something then she'll want to share it with you and will always divi things up equally. I've noticed that maybe as a result of being around my parents less and the fact that Tim and I speak in English to each other that she's speaking in English in the first instance more and more rather than Greekk, which makes me a bit sad.
In other news, we've given Nic her first proper haircut - rather than just shaving it off which Tim still wants to do one more time, although I'm not sure because she'll be far more aware that her head's been shaved this time round. We decided to cut it into my favourite hairstyle - a bob and it looks fab but makes her look more and more like a little girl (she loves it despite the expression on her face)...
Edited to add: I knew I'd post this and then forget things!!!! I've remembered a couple of other little Nicole quirks - firstly, that every time she goes past a post box she has to 'post' her pretend letters - always two and secondly that Nic's acquired an imaginery friend. He's Maaario and he's real in as much as he features on Barney and his friends but Nic's decided that he's come to stay at our house (he sleeps in her bed along with Barney - she sleeps in the middle!!!), he eats meals with us - to the point that Tim actually lay a place for him at breakfast the other morning and he generally goes wherever we go!!! It's hilarious - particulary when she has a whole (one-sided) conversation with him. This is also indicative of Nic knowing what 'pretend' means, so she'll make us pretend food which we'll have to pretend to eat - I just love that she's using her imagination to play.
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